How to end temper tantrums

Some days are amazing and some days we balance on the edge of insanity!

Sour patch kids, first they are sour then they are sweet. If only our kids could be happy and tantrum free all the time. Come on, you know all kids have temper tantrums, so go easy on other parents AND more importantly yourself!! Stay strong, you will have your happy kid back soon.

No more tantrums ~ Can we keep this happy kid?!

What is causing the mood swings and temper tantrums?

The times a tantrum happens and I can clearly identify why, it feels less confusing. It’s still incredibly stressful but at least we can kind of understand what is going on. The times I can’t even identify what is going on it is SO confusing to ME… how confusing must that be to THEM?!?!

It’s inevitable that tantrums are going to happen. In our house, everything will be going great then BOOM something changes and I have no idea why. I want to help and it’s so hard when I don’t really know what’s wrong or what to do.

Now what or What now?
I mentally start to catalog everything going on to see if anything could possibly be causing the shift. Is he learning something new, is he not feeling well, did he not sleep well, has he been eating too much junk, is he having a reaction to antibiotics. We all must do this, trying to find a reason so we can find some solution. We want so badly to help and don’t always know what steps to take to help. Parenting can leave you feeling so helpless and lost.

I can’t tell you what to do or what will work for your child because they are all SOOOO different but I can tell you what I am trying right now. Here are a few things I have decided to work on.

  1. Staying calm ~ when I get upset or yell the situation only escalates. Not yelling is so hard for me!
  2. Meeting emotional needs ~ I am working on making sure he is getting the connection from me that he needs, enough hugs, enough attention.
  3. Not giving in to demands ~ sometimes what he wants is something I would give him but if he uses crying, kicking or a tantrum I have to stand my ground or I am reinforcing the undesirable behavior.
  4. Discussing the tantrum or action ~ When he calms down talking about what happened, hugs and moving on
  5. Talking about feelings ~ This is super hard for me, I don’t like feelings BUT it’s important to talk to him daily about his feelings and the feelings of those around him so he can process and understand those. Thankfully a friend gave me a list of children’s books about feelings so I can have a little help.
  6. Improving gut health ~ There is some research that the disruption of organisms in the gut can affect temperament so eating well and taking a probiotic is worth a try. Now getting my guy to eat better is a stretch but we are trying chewable children’s probiotics.

So will this end tantrums? NO. Will it help? Maybe. Is it worth a shot? YES. As we take this ride I am so thankful for those sweet moments that save us when we think we just can’t take any more. When they do something so sweet or look so cute and replenish our tanks.


I would love to hear what works for you.


2 thoughts on “How to end temper tantrums

  1. The Informal Matriarch

    Oh man, I thought that the answer was duct tape. Ooops.

    Joking aside, my favourite trick is “first and thens”. It avoids it all in the first place and it’s super easy. When you need your kids to do something they don’t want to do…like say getting their shoes on before going outside…you show them your finger and says “first we put on our shoes” and then you show them a second finger and said “and then we go outside”. It always has to go from a negative to a positive. “First we eat our peas and then we can have some pie”. “First we wait nicely and then we can go on the ride”. It works like a hot damn, don’t ask me why…but it’s my favorite tool. It instantly has calmed all my young ones and I’ve used it a lot. It can even be used on husbands!


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